My wife won't let me spank her ass cheeks during foreplay, so for revenge I glued them together. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Today I feel like a tampon -
In a good place at the wrong time.
Unfortunately, I have one pair of running shoes and sixteen pairs of eating shoes.
I walked into the library and asked for a book on chlamydia. The librarian said, "Your wife already has it. She said that she gave it to you."
If I had a dollar for every time someone called my ex-wife ugly, I would have stayed with her for the money.
My wife is going to leave me
in three weeks because my psychic abilities scare her.
One morning, Harry wakes up and goes downstairs into the kitchen. It's his birthday. It's the third day of the third month and Harry is thirty three years old. He notices that the kitchen clock has broken and stopped at 3:30am. On the radio, the weather announces that the temperature is 33 degrees. Opening the sporting section of his newspaper, he turns to page three; he sees that a horse called 'Triple Treble' is running in the 3.30. He calls up his bookie and puts $333, 000, his life savings, on it to win.
It comes in third
