I just bought my wife that
amazing new lipstick that helps women lose a lot of weight..................Superglue
My friend was kidnapped two months ago, and then the same thing happened to his daughter just a few days later. She's always taken after her dad.
I love my new job fixing blinds. Or "cataract surgeon", as some people insist on calling it.
I saw a sign in a
parking lot saying "LOCK YOUR CAR - THIEVES WANT YOUR GPS" I thought, "Well, they can get lost."
"Now, how's he going to read that magazine all rolled up like that?" thought the spider.
My wife told me I am anal about everything
I completely disagreed and insisted she produce photos, video,
a clear chart showing verifiable instances, plus eyewitness testimony from at least 5 reliable sources in written form, all notarized.
If aliens are watching our planet
and they see me cleaning out all of the piss and poop
from the 10 litter pans as our 9 cats joyfully sit and watch...
I'm sure they have to wonder who the hell is really in charge
down here.
A man walks into a whorehouse and asks the madam:
Any openings today?
I just got poison ivy. I'm being very careful in trying to figure out how to get rid of it.
I don't want to make any rash decisions.
