Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

My wife accused me of overcomplicating things. I suffered a mechanical obstruction of the flow of air from the environment into the lungs.

A gay guy asked me if I liked to blow people. I told him I'm not a fan.

My dad never loved me as a child. I can't blame him really. I wasn't born until he was an adult.

I met this amazing telepathic prostitute the other day. She blew my mind.

It's never polite to lean over to the next table and ask, "Are you finished with that?" Especially to a guy breaking up with his girlfriend.

I'm a pretty good
ventriloquist, even though I say so myself.

I entered a swimming contest last weekend. I won the 100m butterfly. Now I don't know what to do with an insect that big.

I was recently stopped at a traffic light
A prostitute came up to the window and asked if
I wanted to have a good time. I said no, I'm happily married.
She said c'mon, I'll do things your wife won't do.
I said really? You'll come clean my house?

I was in a bar and a hooker came to me
and said, "I will do anything you ask, for $100, if you can put it in 3 words"
I looked at her in shock and asked, "anything at all?"
She said, "yes, anything."
I and said, "FIX MY TRANSMISSION."

I have a secret
I like to wear a certain article of religious clothing and never wash it.
I'll admit it's a dirty habit.