What does idk stand for?
Literally everyone I ask says they don't know.
Girls mature faster than guys…
men don’t usually develop breasts until their 50’s or 60’s.
I hate when homeless people...
shake their change cups at me. I get it, you have more money than me, no need to be a dick about it.
Ever notice how...
the lottery officials always pick the wrong numbers? Jerks!
Those adorable idiosyncrasies...
you loved when first dating? After 20 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
Facebook Alert:
Some friend you never met posted a comment you won't read in that group you never asked to join.
It may not look like it but… I'm actually quite handsome.
I remember one time I ran out of gas.
It was pretty scary, almost dark and I was all alone. Yeah it was a lawnmower, but still.
My pain tolerance is pretty high...
but not high enough to get married again.
"?leef uoy ekam taht did woh dnA" - reverse psychology
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: To be honest I'm so shit faced I have no idea.
Mispronouncing words is kind of my forty.
"A man has only two things in this life..."
"His pride, and his balls. Or is that three things?"
