I threatened to leave
my wife when she told me she was "really into Alan". It's been a tough week, what with that and being diagnosed as dyslexic.
I said to the wife,
"I wish you wouldn't smoke in bed." She said, "But a lot of women do." I said, "Not bacon they don't !
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
You say sommelier,
I say gainfully employed wino.
Sex is like a bank account.
You deposit, withdraw, and lose interest.
I sought advice from
a numerologist, but nothing she said added up.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100 per cent.................. unless you're donating blood.
My friend wanted me to help him start a dog collection, so I gave him a couple of pointers.
I want equality for little people. Its 2015 and
every where I go there's
separate drinking fountains.
This has got to stop!
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
A doctor prescribed
suppositories for a man suffering from constipation, but a week later the man returned to the doctor and complained that the treatment wasn't working. "Have you been taking them regularly?" asked the doctor. "What do you think I've been doing?" snapped the man. "Shoving them up my ass?"
AI
