Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

I am selling a 3-legged table
I'm sorry, but I just can't stand that thing anymore.

It still freaks me out
that my brain cannot tell the difference
between real sex and fantasized sex
I ask myself sometimes, why is it so hard?

A couple I know just got married
everything was perfect, and the wedding went off
without a hitch.

My wife told me that I should do my best to recycle.
So, I rode my bike this morning, parked it,
then rode it again later.

I bought a push up bra today...
It didn't work, I can still only do 2...

My hot neighbor confronted me at my front door this morning in her underwear. She wanted to know why I was wearing them.

I just wrote "You have no new messages" on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it out to sea.

I keep one of Peter Pan's turds with me at all times. That shit never gets old.

I was recently attacked by a tobacconist. I've still got the cigars to prove it.

My doctor advised me to start running. I'm not sick or anything; he just found out I was screwing his wife.

I just built a working catapult. It's disguised as a chair, so it tends to throw a lot of people.

I would like to congratulate the Viagra pharmaceutical company for selling over 1 million tablets last month. Keep it up guys !