My wife calls me a "five times a night" man. I've always had a weak bladder. I thought my arson addiction was keeping me from meeting women, then I discovered Match.com. I just got fired from my job at the Psychic Hotline. Didn't see that coming. I asked this girl if she was Jewish. She said, "Why do you ask?". I said, "because you Israeli hot." The doctor told me that I suffer from compulsive lying syndrome, so I committed suicide yesterday.