My son told me he was gay. I bought him a straightjacket.
My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.
Biggest lie ever:
I have read and agreed to the terms of use.
How do you torture
a homosexual? Throw him into a bottomless pit.
I got fired as a tour guide in Vatican City. As I was talking about the Pope, we turned a corner and I said, "Ah, speak of the devil."
Local headline:
"Man jailed in false washing powder scam." Obviously they are trying to deter gents like him.
"Is your husband in?",
my neighbor asked my wife. That's the last time we invite her over for a threesome.
Prison walls are never built to scale.
Who is the latest member of the X-Men?
Caitlyn Jenner.
I knew our sex life was over when she took my hand, looked at me with tear filled eyes and said...“I do”
Don't worry guys, my wife just turned down the car radio so we shouldn't be lost much longer.
My bucket list:
Beer
Ice
I feel so bad for all those women...
who gave me their phone numbers and when I call the line has been disconnected. This economy is ruthless.
Hate to brag, but a cute policewoman
gave me her number today. It's only 3 digits and she said it's only for emergencies, but I know what she meant.
I don't think this guy...
who just told a woman to calm down understands how women work.
What is the difference between a VA nurse and a bullet?
•A bullet can draw blood
•A bullet can be fired
•A bullet can only kill one person
