Only attractive people that get laid all the time troll people on the internet. Everybody knows that. You're telling me, a chicken fried this rice? "Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don't have kids Cologne - because people shouldn't have a choice whether or not they want to smell you. "Morning guys." "HOLY SHIT IT'S SUPERMAN!" - Clark Kent's first day at work wearing contact lenses Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman. My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It's odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush. Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait... Regular or Asian? Did you hear about the woodworker who died when he fell into a vat of varnish? It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish. I'm at a point in my life where enjoying lots of bars just means I have a fully charged cell phone. I was wondering.................. Do women shake the nozzle on the gas hose when they're done filling, or is that just a guy thing? Just formed a new band called "Deaf". We've just been signed. I do not have an obsession with tidiness. Just wanted to clear that up. My father brought me up single-handedly. It wasn't easy being the son of a pirate. Accidently cut a guy off on the freeway. He was pretty good about it though. He pulled up alongside me and gave me half a peace sign.