Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Only attractive people that get laid all the time troll people on the internet. Everybody knows that.

You're telling me, a chicken fried this rice?

"Kids are great when you need help around the house."
- People who don't have kids

Cologne - because people shouldn't have a choice
whether or not they want to smell you.

"Morning guys."
"HOLY SHIT IT'S SUPERMAN!"
- Clark Kent's first day at work wearing contact lenses

Remember to look both ways before crossing
a woman.

My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity.
It's odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.

Are you smarter than a 5th grader?
Wait...
Regular or Asian?

Did you hear about the woodworker who died when he fell into a vat of varnish?
It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish.

I'm at a point in my life where enjoying lots of bars just means I have a fully charged cell phone.

I was wondering..................
Do women shake the nozzle on the gas hose when they're done filling, or is that just a guy thing?

Just formed a new band
called "Deaf". We've just been signed.

I do not have an
obsession with tidiness. Just wanted to clear that up.

My father brought me up
single-handedly. It wasn't easy being the son of a pirate.

Accidently cut a guy off
on the freeway. He was pretty good about it though. He pulled up alongside me and gave me half a peace sign.