Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

I can't stand people who are unwilling to try
small, round, green vegetables.
All I am saying is, Give Peas A Chance.

Dear ladies, we love you for your brains, not your bodies.
Sincerely, Zombies.

My wife's doctor told us today that
she is very prone to having a stroke, and if it happens she could be
dead in the time it takes to boil a kettle of water.
Why the heck would I want to boil the kettle at a time like that?
I would be searching for the cork screw.

Doing the moonwalk
is the only way to look cool while wiping dog shit off your shoes.

I said to my wife:
"If I asked you if I could give you anal, would you take it the wrong way?

Even doctors make mistakes. Mine asked me to undress.

I've reached the age
where I can't function without glasses. Especially if they're empty.

I started working for a
genetic engineering firm in Italy. Yeah, that's the one: Genitalia.

The two best jobs in the world... are Gunsmith and Parachute Rigger. If it works, they can't complain. If it doesn't work, they can't complain....