Stress? Don't talk to me about stress.
Some of my favorite television characters are currently in truly sticky situations.
"Who let the dogs out?!" - Pavlov getting angry.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books.
Took the sticker off a banana, put it on my
shirt and said, "I hereby deputize you to uphold the law in Bananatown!"
Elevator is silent now.
They say you have to spend money to make money. Feel like there's some middle step I've been missing.
Don't believe in climate change, rap fans?
Tell that to Vanilla Slush, Water Cube, and LL Warm J.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
There's a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Girls can be so ungrateful. I make her breakfast in bed and instead of saying "Thank you" she is all like "How did you get into my house?"
Thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change because I don't want to get up and find the remote.
Why is PBS asking me for money? If I had money I wouldn't need to pretend crow migration habits are good entertainment.
When someone tells me, "Great question." I never hear their answer because I'm busy congratulating myself for asking such a great question.
Seeing jelly in the peanut butter jar is gross, that's why it's important to lick the knife before you stick it in there.
I don't want to learn karate but I really need a new belt.
Calm the f*ck down, Nutrition Facts labels on bottled water.
AI
