Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

My relationship with the time traveling girl was
over before it began.

My favorite porn website changed their header to
include a breast cancer awareness ribbon, so you could say I'm somewhat of an activist.

My work has this cute thing they do where if you
are really good at your job, they get you to do everyone else's too.

Everyone’s dad turns down the radio when he
misses a turn or gets lost like it was Tom Petty’s fault or something.

It's awful that those other chipmunks force
Alvin to wear an A on his sweater just because he's an adulterer.

All those years of getting horrible elementary
school pictures was just society's way of preparing you for your driver's license photo.

How long do you have to work at KFC before they
make you a colonel?

thanks for the $100 whole foods gift card
I'm really going to enjoy this banana.

So called "Trader" Joe's wouldn't let me pay
with furs or rum or even live birds.

The leading cause of death in 1926 was
being hit by a spinning newspaper graphic.