Just bought a sandwich at the airport so gonna have to put off buying a house for a while. It's weird how we are all here because of boners. "I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you're getting screwed." - Car insurance commercials Whoever coined the phrase "smooth as a baby's bottom" must have been a real creep. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if you crushed his spirit by telling him how worthless he was and deprived him of a good education? Why do people at home on TV have their pants on? The last four letters of the word "queue" are just there because they saw a queue forming and hoped it was for something good. One time I asked "What would Jesus do?" and then a close friend betrayed me & everyone started misinterpreting what I said for their own gain. My favorite Kardashian is the one who dies first. Sleep - That fleeting moment that ends alarmingly. Wholesale - Where a gopher goes to buy a home Toad - What happens to an illegally parked frog. Polarize - What penguins see with. Marriage - A romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter. Pasteurize - Too far to see. Ostrasized - The same size as an ostrich. Lactose - Consequence of frostbite