In China today, a man harvesting rice was
attacked by another man with a small ceramic figurine.
It was the first known case of knick-knack paddy whack.
When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a condom. Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me.
If you thought accidentally sexting your parents
was embarrassing, wait until they return the favor.
Kids today don't know what hardship is
When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
I tried oscillating once.
Not a fan.
Sometimes I think those Kardashians
are just doing stuff for the attention.
Thousands are attacked by sea creatures
every year. We here at BP are dedicated to bringing that number down. You're welcome!
The gift of gab...
doesn't feel like a gift when it’s been given to your spouse.
Rottweiler for sale.
Very fond of people. reluctant to let go.
My spouse absconded from
me as a result of my impulsion to utilize a synonym reference book upon the entirety of my colloquy.
A wise man once told me
"You are a fool if you can't think of your own quotes".
Laundry teaches kids racism.
They say you're likely to meet your future wife
at a wedding.
I hope that's true.
I'm not that keen on the one I'm marrying this weekend.
An atheist was fishing in Scotland one day when his boat was suddenly attacked by the Loch Ness Monster. The boat capsized and the man was flung from the boat. As he flew towards the monster's open mouth, he screamed; "Oh God, help me!"
Immediately everything was frozen in place. The ferocious attack stopped and the atheist was left suspended in mid-air. A booming voice came down from the sky: "I thought you didn't believe in me!"
"Come on God, give me a break," said the man. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!"
17,000 atheists in the Middle East
rioted this week after a blank sheet of paper was found on a
cartoonist's desk.
A woman got wooden breast implants yesterday.
It would be funny if this joke had a punch line
Wooden tit
