Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.

Those "said no one ever" jokes are pretty funny
said no one ever.

They're making gluten free communion wafers now.
I guess they represent the beach-body of Christ.

I'm not a doctor,
but I play one on eHarmony.

You're the reason I wake up everyday.
Just kidding I have a job.

We have only ourselves to blame...
for all the crime and violence today. We removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change.

The bible says...
you can't buy your way into heaven, but there isn't a church in the country that doesn't encourage you to try.

I remember when my wife had laryngitis
...fondly.

Lowercase letters:
just like uppercase letters, but without the drama.

I'm not allowed on cruise ships...
ever since that whole "poop deck" misunderstanding.

Getting a little sick of these email alerts
from my bank implying that I'm unbalanced.

The neighborhood watch is having a meeting
about the creepy guy...and I'm the only one not invited?

"The way to a man's heart is thru his stomach"
At least that's what the crazy woman with the butcher knife kept saying at the murder scene.

My wife went to the hospital to give birth
The nurses laid her on the bed, took off her clothes, pumped her full of drugs and told her it wouldn't hurt.
Which made me laugh, because that's exactly how I got her pregnant in the first place.