In my opinion - until they add extra fries,
a martini & a joint - they have no business calling it a Happy Meal.
The pet groomer didn't appreciate the 10 dollar
bill I slid across the table to give my dog the "happy ending".
The lady at the massage parlor asked if I wanted
a happy ending.
I said yes and then she proceeded to tell me the plot of Homeward Bound.
"I'd hit that!"
-old people who drive.
All-knight diners were big during the Renaissance period.
When I go to Starbucks, I tell them my name is
Marco.
When my drink is ready and they call my name, I just keep saying Polo.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
I'm no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Son, there's no need for a paternity test.
I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.
My computer crashed and now all the other
computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on
speaking directly to me.
My phone corrects "haha" to "hahaha", so all my
friends think they're 50% funnier than they actually are.
I wonder how things worked out for that guy who
grabbed the bull by the horns.
People with an unhealthy obsession over frozen waffles are eggomaniacs
I just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck.
I think he is trying to bust a move.
