Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

A word to the wise ain't necessary -
it's the stupid ones that need advice.

Under 'medical history',
I like to write "Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928".

Why buy it for $7
when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.

I try to explain to my kids
during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.

My 6yo's homework today is
learning how to count backwards.
Yep that teacher knows about DUIs alright!

“British scientists have demonstrated
that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!”

“When I finished high school,
I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.”

I've met a lot of people who mistake their imagination for memory.

I would buy expensive suits, but they look cheap on me.

Only the mediocre are always at their best.