A man at a retirement home was walking around with his zipper down holding his penis.
A young nurse says "Why are you doing that?"
He replies, "It died today."
"Oh, that's terrible!", the nurse replied.
The next day the man has his penis hanging outside of his pants again.
The same nurse says, "I thought it died yesterday."
The man replies, "It did. Today is the viewing."
A guy in a bar was talking to a girl and says, "You remind me of my little toe".
She said, "Is that because I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No, because I will probably end up banging you on the coffee table!"
Hot Asian gal was giving me a massage when she noticed my erection. She asked, "You want wankee?"
I answered, "Hell yeah".
She left the room. I thought she was fetching some lube or a few more hotties. After 15 minutes I thought, "WTF?".
Then she poked her head in the door and asked, "You done?"
