I was planning to get a flu shot
until I found out it isn't a kind of drink.
I have no issue with people
who let themselves go, it’s the people who let themselves stay that bother me.
I don't think I get enough credit in my family..
for making my siblings look successful.
My boss says I intimidate the other employees,
so I just stared at him until he apologized.
Some people call me space cowboy.
Some call me gangster of love. This one guy calls me Maurice, he sucks at giving nicknames.
A drunk riding a passenger train kept
harassing a woman about how ugly her child was. When a conductor came by she complained that the man was bothering her. The conductor ordered the man to the car, and apologized to the woman "And let me bring you some coffee, and I'll even bring a banana for your monkey."
.. I WILL SEE YOUR
sarcasm and raise you some sass
I HAVE OCD & ADD
so everything has to be perfect....... but not for very long
YOU CANNOT
be old & wise................ if you were never young & crazy
Tom Jones
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green Green Grass of Home'".
He said: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome".
"Is it common?", I asked.
"It's not unusual", he replied.
