My kids are mad at me because I never unwrap the
cheese slices in their sandwiches.
I love how women always smell good, and can
complete you, and are sometimes wrapped in tinfoil.
Wait, that's a burrito.
I love burritos.
Every woman has an inbox.
She carries it with her just in case she gets male.
This weekend I'm attending an animal rights barbecue.
I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.
Not me, of course. Someone though, definitely.
Good chance of showers today.
-- My bathroom forecast.
Do you know what I find interesting?
Neither does this guy who keeps talking to me.
The road to ADHD is paved with bad attentions.
Don't insult my intelligence.
My doctor e-mailed me asking if I knew my
"blod group".
I replied, "typo."
They said the baby looked liked me until they
turned it right side up.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A penny saved is worthless.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Pretty sure the Rug Doctor
lowered the bar for MDs everywhere.
If there's enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts, it probably isn't.
I should have known I'd never last as a deep sea
diving instructor.
I'm no good under pressure.
Just bought a head of lettuce.
Wondering what they do with their bodies.
