My wife said to me,
"I'm fed up with you being so lazy. Pack your bags and leave."
I said, "You pack them."
Your mind needs exercise as much as your body,
that's why I think of jogging everyday.
Someone told me I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people.
I was in Ferguson, and got jumped by 5 black guys.
Car started right up, they said I just need to replace the battery.
Ethiopian Vs. US soccer game:
USA: 8
Ethiopia: Didn't.
A police officer came up to me and asked...
"Where were you between four and six?"
I said, "Kindergarten."
Why are things typed up but written down?
If you decide that you're indecisive...
which one are you?
If love is blind
how can we have love at first sight?
If there's an exception to every rule is there an exception to that rule?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines are really psychic wouldn't they call you first?
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is
great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
