Any Good Jokes?

[wow_happens28]

The best of SHORENUFFSTUFF one liners-October

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.." (Now that is beautiful)

True Fact: If you write a suicide note that
rhymes, it also works as a country-western song.

My misery likes tequila, not company.

You are too mean to fat people,
you really need to lay off...they already have enough on their plates.

“Fifty percent of life in the NBA is sex. The other 50 percent is money.”—Dennis Rodman (NBA)

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”—Jason Kidd (NBA), upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

Time really flies by.
Seems like only yesterday I was just a young apprentice-bater.

If we could get morticians to tie the shoe laces
together the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
I can't even get into my own pants

About 50% of the time "good luck" means "f*ck you."

I'm so drunk I can speak fluent Ozzy Osbourne.


What do the Brits say when there's actually
blood on something?

I really think Miracle Whip lowered the bar for
what constitutes a miracle.

Don't put all my eggs in one basket?
Nice try, basket industry.

Is PETA aware that we're still struggling with the ethical treatment of humans?

A Women's mind is cleaner then a mans because she changes it so often.

Saw a monarch butterfly today,
what made it special is that it was the first time it wasn't stamped on top of a strippers ass

I think when a transvestite goes missing
their face should appear on a carton of half & half.

For Sale: Golden Retriever,
Had for 9 months has yet to retrieve any gold. Should just bought metal detector! Unbelievable.

Have a burning hatred for questions and people?
YOU could be a medical receptionist!

Old man ear hair is
an evolutionary survival trait based on 10's of thousands of years to drown out spousal bitching.

Add any I miss, TY SHORENUFFSTUFF, you really add so much to this board.