Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Politicians only kiss babies because
it might be theirs.

Had to get up at 8 o'clock to work. That's 8 in the MORNING.
Like a f*cking farmer or something.

"Take Your Child to Work Day"
must be awkward at the dildo factory.

My printer just woke from sleep mode with a huge toner.

I don't think anyone would be surprised if
Captain Morgan was arrested for Boating Under the Influence.

I'm pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing
was created by a guy just to check out ass.

Is PETA aware that we're still struggling with the ethical treatment of humans?

"This is the best acid ever. I totally should
write some children's books now."
~ Dr. Seuss

Dear public restrooms:
A toilet paper dispenser should turn loosely.
Nobody wants to wipe their ass with a handful of confetti.

Sometimes I like to skip my digestive system and
=just place my Chipotle burrito directly into my toilet.

I thought about going outside and
doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn't reach very far.

I hate waiting in lines.
Hurry up and pick a suspect already.

With age comes wisdom.
Apparently wisdom weighs about 30 pounds.

My wife and I are dieting now...
and by dieting I mean we're not telling each other about the junk food we eat.

I got a B- on my son's algebra homework.

First woman on the moon... < DataMaster > 10/17 07:41


Woman: Houston we have a problem

NASA: What?

Woman: Never mind.

NASA: What's the problem?

Woman: Nothing

NASA: Please tell us?

Woman: You know what the problem is.

"Always leave them wanting more
is my standard approach to paying bills.

Actions speak louder than words,
but talk is cheap and you have to consider that in this economy.

I haven't gained weight, I'm just retaining cookies.

Giving it that old community college try.

MEXICAN Word of the Day:
‘EBOLA’
“He Went Bowling and Ebola Perfect Game”