Why thank you, sir! I was totally unaware of my
big titties. How kind of you to risk your safety by yelling it out of the car window.
Isn't it annoying when you're having dinner with
your in-laws and they don't exist because no one loves you enough to marry you?
Mary faked a smile when she opened the
frankincense and myrrh
First Rule of *Always Right* Club:
No Men Allowed.
This yogurt is so cultured, I can only eat it
while listening to Beethoven.
It takes two who know how to tango to tango.
I never know if I should trust a cabdriver with
my sexual history.
I never know what to do with my hands during sex
I just end up snapping my fingers along with the rhythm.
In a new poll, 80% of Japanese women admit to
having faked origami.
I accidentally mixed the I Can't Believe It's
Not Butter in with the regular butter and NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE!
I really think Miracle Whip lowered the bar for
what constitutes a miracle.
Today, a hobo called me a beautiful princess,
but he pronounced it "I KNOW YOU HAVE CHANGE, YOU STUPID CRACKER B*TCH!".
Don't put all my eggs in one basket?
Nice try, basket industry.
The couple at the table next to me thinks
some really weird girl is eavesdropping on their conversation but I don't see her anywhere.
If a genie ever gives me three wishes,
goodbye Kardashians
What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook.
