Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Mondays aren't so bad if
you force yourself to have a terrible weekend.

I tell my wife we are broke
so we don't end up broke.

ATTENTION: We will be performing live power tool
identification exercises today.
This is not a drill.

Seems like most rioting in the world happens in
countries with the least bacon.

When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed,
I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years.

Dude is texting with a flip phone, just like
George Washington did.

Half of all bears are smarter than the average bear.
It's not that big a deal.

Burping up Taco Bell is like returning to the scene of the crime.

I'm so drunk I can speak fluent Ozzy Osbourne.

I think the most romantic thing a woman can do for a man on Valentine's Day is to have a vagina.

The thing about being vague is,lots of stuff.

I walk the walk. I talk the talk. But mostly I sit the sit.

"It is easier to fool some one than to convince him he has been fooled".