Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
I can't even get into my own pants.
Birthdays are good for you -
the more you have the longer you live.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Half the people in the world are below average.
Despite the cost of living,
have you noticed how popular it remains?
Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
If you jogged backwards,
would you gain weight?
Never go to bed angry,
stay awake and plot your revenge.
Don't use a big word
where a diminutive one will suffice.
Karaoke is Japanese for "too much to drink".
Did you hear?
They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
I tried to daydream,
but my mind kept wandering.
I've got a mind like a..
a.. what's that thing called?
If evolution is outlawed,
only outlaws will evolve.
