Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive...

They should put a statue of me next to the
Statue of Liberty so immigrants know the American Dream is hit or miss.

I always say "morning" instead of "good morning"
because if it were a good morning I'd still be in bed instead of talking to people.

This Viagra show looks cool but they keep
cutting away to football.

Friend: Your not going to believe this, but
my whole family was killed in a freak accident!
Me: "You're."

Rumor has it, that if you look up from your
phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.

My Masseuse just read 'Cinderella' to me.
That's the last time I ask for a happy ending.

In my opinion Scotland should be independent, otherwise Mel Gibson died for nothing.

I'm sorry I got salsa on your baby and I'm extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip.

I totally understand how batteries feel because
I'm rarely ever included in things either.