A wise man once said...
absolutely nothing.
He let her vent and then was able to have sex afterward.
I explained ‘gluten allergy’ to my grandma
and she sighed and told me they ate leather belts during WWII to keep from starving.
"is Pepsi ok?"
- my coke dealer, tryin to be funny.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game
that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
How to enjoy babies:
1) Hold them
2) Kiss them
3) Hand them back to their mom
4) Go have drinks with grown ups
5) Laugh about not having a baby
For sale: $300 King size mattress & box spring,
6 mo old, Never had sex on it, not even once. Ask her.
Make sure to tip your waitress.
It's pretty funny when they fall over.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear
to be gang related.
The women at the club tonight are so
unapproachable. Getting discouraged. Good thing mom is here to tell everyone what a super guy I am.
I asked mom once how she knew dad was "the one".
"Because," she replied, "DNA tests don't lie."
I always say "I was wondering when you'd find me" when I get in my car.
That way if someone's ever in the backseat I'll look cool as shit.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Do the dishes like nobody's watching.
Change into that robe like nobody's watching. No, the other one.
Just saw the little boy next door licking
whipped cream off the cat.
Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn't have.
"This is BULLSHIT!!"
- enthusiastic manure salesman
