Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my food.
Because I have no idea where sandwiches live...

"Pay attention, 007;
this might look like an ordinary suitcase but, if you push this button, a handle comes out and you can wheel it."

I met a girl at a club the other night
and she told me she'd show me a good time.
When we got outside, she ran 100m in 9.69 seconds.

One of my "100 things to do before you die"
would definitely be "call an ambulance".

When I was younger my dad showed me
pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.

Why didn't Spider-Man's enemies
just move to a city without skyscrapers?