Any Good Jokes?

[mnfats]

You Know It's Time For A Diet When:

*You dive into a swimming pool so your friends can go surfing.

*You have to apply your makeup with a paint roller.

*Weight Watchers demands your resignation.

*You step on a pennyweight scale that gives you your fortune and it
Says, "One at a time please!"

*Your face is so full that you look like you're wearing horn-rimmed
Contact lenses.

*The bus driver asks you to sit on the other side because he wants to
Make a turn without flipping over.

*You're at school in the classroom and turn around and erase the entire
Blackboard

*They throw puffed rice at your wedding.

*You hiccup in your bathing suit, and it looks like someone adjusting a
Venetian blind.

*You fall down and try to get up, and in the process rock yourself to
Sleep.

*You dance and it makes the band skip.

*You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.

*You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.

*You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.

*Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."

*You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.

*You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.

*You could sell shade.

*You need an appointment to attend an ' open house'.