You Know It's Time For A Diet When:
*You dive into a swimming pool so your friends can go surfing.
*You have to apply your makeup with a paint roller.
*Weight Watchers demands your resignation.
*You step on a pennyweight scale that gives you your fortune and it
Says, "One at a time please!"
*Your face is so full that you look like you're wearing horn-rimmed
Contact lenses.
*The bus driver asks you to sit on the other side because he wants to
Make a turn without flipping over.
*You're at school in the classroom and turn around and erase the entire
Blackboard
*They throw puffed rice at your wedding.
*You hiccup in your bathing suit, and it looks like someone adjusting a
Venetian blind.
*You fall down and try to get up, and in the process rock yourself to
Sleep.
*You dance and it makes the band skip.
*You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
*You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.
*You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
*Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
*You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.
*You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
*You could sell shade.
*You need an appointment to attend an ' open house'.