I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing...
unless you're at a funeral.
"Trust me, you can dance." - Alcohol
In case of fire,
exit building before tweeting about it.
When one door closes, another opens.
Or you can open the closed door 'cause that's how doors work.
How exactly did "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub"
become a nursery rhyme?
I'll call it a "smart" phone
the day I yell, "where's my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I'm here, under your jacket."
The difference between genius and stupidity
is that genius has it's limits.
Curling irons have a warning tag that says...
"For external use only." Which one of you idiots made this necessary?
Today I will live in the moment, unless the moment is unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
