Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

A roasted peanut is a regular peanut
that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts.

Cop: You know why I pulled you over? Me: You thought I was black?
Cop: Haha. Yep. You're free to go sir.

thought this hot Egyptian chick was
hitting on me but she was just trying to lure me into a pyramid scheme.

A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful
girl. She said "I will text you when I get home".
I think she's homeless.

Just saw a rainbow.........great, now the sky is gay.

Boss: This is the third time you've been late
for work this week. Do you know what that means?
Me: It's Wednesday?

I'm not against half naked women.
At least not as often as I'd like to be.

Officer pulled me over & asked if I knew what
the speed limit was, like I'm getting paid to tell him his job.

I've finally decided to do something about my
weight ... lie.

What genius named it a "news feed" on Facebook
and not "bullshit"?

What's up with these people in Pakistan getting
stoned to death?
What kind of weed are they growing there?

This shirt that the team was wearing smells
disgusting. I need to find an appropriate state to name it after."
-Inventor of the jersey

"Let's give the bad guy a ponytail."
- 80's movies