What happens if you drink white wine with fish?
First they get silly, then they become abusive.
"Whatever happened to your old girlfriend?"
a guy asked his buddy.
"She had gonorrhea and bled to death," he answered.
"You don't bleed to death from gonorrhea."
"You do if you give it to me."
My son has taken up meditation.
Damn, that's so much better than sitting around doing nothing.
Did you hear about the poor professor who
was killed in a terrible car accident?
He was grading papers on a curve.
A young couple talking...
"You deceived me," she said. "Before we married, you said you were well off."
"I was," he answered, "I just didn't know how much."
A lady goes to the doctor.
"I think these hormone pills you gave me are too strong," she said. "I'm growing hair all over my chest."
"How far down does it go?" asked the doctor.
"All the way to my balls." she answered.
A wife asked her husband to pick up some organic
vegetables on his way home from work, but he couldn't locate them in the produce section at the market.
He approached an elderly store employee and said, "These are for my wife. Are there any poisonous chemicals sprayed on them?"
"No sir," the man answered. "You'll have to do that yourself."
Donald Trump is taking the elevator
to his penthouse when a gorgeous woman in a tight dress steps into the elevator.
She moves closer to him and says in a sexy voice, "You are so amazing, Mr. Trump. You are so fantastically rich and so incredibly handsome, I could just go down on you right here and now."
Trump looks her over and says, "What's in it for me?"
A couple in a big-chain electronics store
is about to buy a huge Ultra HDTV as the salesman is finishing his pitch.
"You folks," he said, "will only pay a tiny bit down, and then you'll pay nothing for six months."
"Damn it!" said the man, "How did you find out?"
A man cuts off his finger in an accident
at a construction site. He calls his wife from the emergency room to tell her the news.
"Oh, no," she cries, "was it the whole finger?"
"No," he says, "it was the one next to it."
A man sitting at a bar stares a beautiful woman
sitting on the other end. He tells the bartender that he wants to buy her a drink.
"Okay, but it won't do you any good. She's a lesbian," he says.
She accepts the drink, nods, and turns away.
After a while, he tells the bartender to send her another drink.
"Alright, but like I told you, it won't do you any good. She's a lesbian."
After the man had bought her about six drinks, he walks down to the other end of the bar and slips into the seat next to her.
"So," he says softly, "What part of Lesbia are you from?"
