The biggest difference between my wife and a
bear is that sometimes, if I play dead, the bear will leave me alone.
Bed and Breakfast:
two things the kids will never make for themselves.
I would watch NASCAR if the drivers had as much to drink as the fans.
Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
You can fool some of the people all of the time.
Mostly, those people are in Management.
You always remember your first crush.
Mine was Orange.
You scream, I scream, we all scream,
then I leave the women's restroom.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to
"make it a double".
I try to play it cool with women by pretending
not to notice when they're not noticing me.
Sometimes when my wife tells me she loves me
I get the feeling it's the tennis kind.
A woman told me that I take the 'e' out of dude
She digs me, right?
This vodka tastes strange,
kinda like I'm not going to work tomorrow.
