Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Cop failed me on the sobriety test even though
I not only touched my nose like he asked, but went on & totally nailed the rest of the Macarena.

I get carried away sometimes. Mainly when I refuse to leave.

Dunno, but losing a hand in poker seems like a
pretty steep price to pay for a card game.

Even on my death bed my wife will be telling me
how she had a worse day than me.

Unless life also hands you sugar and water,
your lemonade is gonna suck.

If stealing office supplies was an Olympic sport
they'd test me for steroids.

Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the
back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you're going to get.

Movies are so unrealistic. This guy's using his
computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.

Never tell a psycho that they're psycho, because then they feel like they're obligated to prove it.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness
didn't like things as much as I do.

Leading Economist: 'Look up. ,Things may be bad,
but they're better than next year'.

No one ever said life was easy,
but several people said you were.