Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Sometimes I put my hands on the floor,
tuck my head into my chest and lean forward...because that's how I roll.

I looked out of my hotel window
and all I could see was a mosque and a ten-pin bowling alley. Is there anywhere I can go in this town where I don't have to take my shoes off?

I am the youngest of three,
both my parents are older.

Hell hath no fury
like a man being offered advice by a woman on how to pack the luggage into the car for a road trip.

Ironically, of all the phobias
that people suffer from, the fear of heights is right near the top!

I passed a shop window the other day...
it was full of essential oils and I don't have any of them. I'm lucky to be alive!

Why is it...
cameras can see my license plate in fog if I run a red light, but photos of a suspect look like a toddler took it?

I was in the supermarket
at one of the new self-service registers. You know the ones...with the two extra staff members hanging around.

Pretty sure the Rug Doctor
lowered the bar for MDs everywhere.

People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings
always look like they landed face-first into a tackle box.

I thought I was listening to a Maroon 5 song on
the radio when I realized that the radio is off and I need to have my brakes changed.

Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who
couldn't see himself in a mirror.

"You buy it, you break it."
- Piñata Store Policy