When it comes to torturing the language, twisting logic and misusing words, nobody comes close to those who play games for money, especially baseball and basketball. Here are a few of my favorites.
1) Yogi Berra ... After a game a group of the players were trying to decide where to go for dinner. A couple guys suggested a posh French restaurant in Manhattan. To which Yogi said: "No, I don't want to go there. Nobody goes there anymore, its too crowded!"
2) Dale Berra (Yogi's son)... proving that the Apple does not fall far from the tree. "You can't compare me to my Father. Our similarities are different."
3) Dizzy Dean, a Hall of Famer who pitched for St. Louis suffered a head injury during one season. Finally, the club took him to the hospital where he had an X-ray of his skull. Afterwards, he went out to meet the press and announced, "I'm fine! The X-ray of my head showed there's nothing in there." It should be noted the entire "Gas House Gang" as they were called was a little grammatically challenged. Other members of the team were called , Daffy (Dizzy's brother), Dazzy and Ducky.
4) Mike Tyson when asked what he was going to do now that he retired: "Guess I'm just going to fade into Bolivian."
5)Yogi Berra: "If people don't want to come out to the Ball Park, how are you going to stop them?"
6) Frank Layden called one of his college Basketball players into the office one day who was, once again, going to be put on academic probation. After chastising him he closed with, "Son we've gotten you tutors for every subject. They even go with us on the road. Yet, here you are again. I can't figure out the problem! i don't know if it's apathy or ignorance." To which the kid replied, "I don't know, and I don't care!" (That's gotta' be the most truthful, accurate and complete answer ever given!!)
7) Andre Dawson, former Chicago Cub on being a role model: "I want all the kids to look up to me and do what i do. I want all the kids to copulate me."
8) Michael Vick: I only have two weapons on the field. My feet, my arm and my brains."
"Libenter homines id quod volunt credunt"
