This strip mall certainly is misleading,
and I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Based on the musicians who thanked him <
at the Grammys, I gotta say: I'm not crazy for God's taste in music.
The sign at the zoo said "Please Don't Touch The
Animals" so I put away the book of poetry I was reading to them.
Since wine is made from grapes its technically
accurate to say I did a fruit juice cleanse for New Years Eve.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1
Step 6
Step 7,8,9,11
Men and women CAN be just friends. But only if
one of them is ugly.
"Careful, there's poop on the dance floor."
- how ballet was invented.
Kisses are like real estate.... Location Location Location
I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark! Help!"
I just laughed. I knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.
I always carry a piece of paper with me, just in
case someone tries to attack me with a rock.
If you surround your house in police tape,
the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
I just read a story about someone finding a dead
body at a Walmart.
HOW EMBARRASING, I'd never be caught dead at a Walmart.
Felt a sharp pain in my chest & thought
"oh shit, I'm having a heart attack," but it just turned out to be my wife stabbing me.
