Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their
relationships, I'm left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that's cheating?
Saying 'better luck next time' is apparently
frowned upon at a funeral. The more you know...
If someone stands you up and doesn't call,
stay positive.
They could be dead.
This broken recliner and I go way back.
When I’m in an argument, I just go quiet and
stare, a technique I learned from cats.
What's the name of that Adam Sandler's movie
where he plays an immature adult?
I was just about to go and remind my neighbor to slam all of his car doors as many times as possible in five minutes, but there's no need.
*co-worker approaching elevator* < *I try to hit "close door" button*
I miss, hit "open door"
Co-worker: thanks for holding it
Me: Of course
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
Here's how I gained 27Ibs of muscle in 5 weeks:
Lying.
I got in touch with my inner child and the
little shit hung up on me.
Studies suggests, 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl with a big butt.
The 10th man prefers the other 9 men.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
