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Campfire is burning bright
For over 60 years I've had at least one pocketknife in my pants pocket
had the most HORRIBLE experience this a.m.
and I DO mean HORRIFIC
so morning constitution....
stand up to pull up my britches and my pants are now so loose
I wear suspenders
and....finally put a NEW pocketknife in my pocket I bought
20 years ago of the same brand I've used the past almost 50 years
a Buck knife
and when I stood up....my BRAND NEW pocket knife went in the toilet
just flipped out of my pants pocket and into the pooh stew
I wanted to puke....tried an old spoon with grooves....no luck
into a bucket with a LOT of BLEACH and water as hot as it comes out of the tap
goes the big spoon....then remembered where a rubber glove was
OH DEAR GOD....retrieved my knife
BLEACH!!! BLEACH!!! BLEACH!!! Please save my pocket knife!
that was a 1st in my life and will make DAMN SURE it's the last
if it was the old one, would've just flushed and flushed and then bleached
and if it made the trip to the septic, wouldn't have cared
but NOT my brand new one......couldn't take the chance of my commercial toilet
set up swallowing the new one....
talk about the most HORRIBLE wake up call...... ©
A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.
The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”
The social workers express concern about the child being raised in a circus environment.
This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”
The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”
Two businessmen were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop...
As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked:@
"What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arseholes."
Without skipping a beat, the old dear said, "Must be doing well... Only two left."
The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.
As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America."
The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?"
The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called 'Star Trek' and in it there is... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, And Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians,Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on 'Star Trek'.
" The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered in his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future..."
A young man named Wayne bought a horse from a farmer for £250.
The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Wayne's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died"
Wayne replied, "Well, then just give me my money back"
The farmer said, "Can’t do that. I went and spent it already"
Wayne said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse"
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Wayne said, "I’m going to raffle him off"
The farmer said, "You can’t raffle off a dead horse!"
Wayne said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell any body he’s dead"
A month later, the farmer met up with Wayne and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"
Wayne said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £5 a piece and made a profit of £2245."
The farmer said, "Didn’t anyone complain?"
Wayne said, "Just the guy who won, so I gave him his five quid back."
One winter morning during breakfast a husband and wife in Northern Minnesota were listening to the radio.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."
So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplows can get through."
The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went out.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied,
"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.
The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
The husband texted back to her:
“I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”
that was awesome Larry
To celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary, an elderly couple goes to the same hotel they spend their honeymoon. The old man is in bed waiting for the wife to come out of the bathroom. When she does, she’s leaning in the doorway with her top halfway off and says, “It was 75 years ago this evening we first spent a night together and I stood in this doorway just like this while you were there in the bed. What were you thinking all those years ago when you saw me?”
”I’m gonna fuck your brains out and suck them titties dry!” He says with a smile.
She giggles and asks, “And what are you thinking now as you see me?”
”I did a damn good job!”
82nd Airborne Chorus Full Performance >
Kid Rock Shares Hilarious White House Story >
About Trump and Ted Nugent
Yes- agree
Yep-- its been too long for me!
Or somewhere in between
Nothing like the east coast
Gulf of Mexico is a fav
offshore in FL?? Long Island NY??
Even part time
For something to do
While still out on the water
Enjoying life
100K a month!!!!!!! Hoping for 400K with the Trump exposure! I would come out of retirement for that much.
If only for a moment
It was creative
In show
With today's technology
Anything is possible
Although
It's not for everyone
Not sure about the dollars
Could be a fool's errand
saw that- did you see her monthly income???? We sold get a makeover and some implants-- a mask would help too- cover some of the wrinkles!
Mutch better than being shot at
Interesting take
Diet reminder…. pic.twitter.com/LM6YxKCzAX
— Mrs. S. (@hshLauraJ) September 18, 2024
click to see the entire post LMAO
Not sorry, its funny. 🤣🤷🏼♀️ pic.twitter.com/tPMzX4A6Cm
— JackieJack (@JackJJRK) September 18, 2024
Public Service Announcemen!🚨😊 pic.twitter.com/KujskmniXF
— 💋Elissa4Real💋 (@EL4USA) September 11, 2024
I'll take my chances with that investment in the Brooklyn Bridge!
— Steve Mudflap McGrew’s REMASCULATE podcast (@REMASCULATE) September 10, 2024
EEEWWWWWW
Tittoo????
— Mrs. S. (@hshLauraJ) September 3, 2024
🤔🤔🤔🤔 pic.twitter.com/6j2UjsmznE
I too...have this ability.
— Templar⚔️ (@aTeXan575) August 29, 2024
Ladies..get in line!😬 pic.twitter.com/C9MZDCmvC5
Small victory
Think the art will be perfected
With practice
Of course
at least he kept his clothes on.
What part of sanity
Is missing
Premature esparkulation
Can't make this stuff up
Different way to explore life
Modern "males"......
Makes sense...
— Acdoctor88 (@Acdoc88) August 15, 2024
Aww Crap! https://t.co/xuDwI7qlwb pic.twitter.com/hb5cdTsTl7
— Mrs. S. (@hshLauraJ) August 15, 2024
Old realities
~~~ Times have changed ~~~
(2:08)
Wonder why
Jim Crenshaw
Good morning Patriots..☕️🔥🇺🇸
— 💥⚜️ S I G ⚜️💥 (@PURE_BL00D2) August 13, 2024
One of those times when you look at your boy and say "Yup he's mine.." 🤣😎
Guilty😜✌️ pic.twitter.com/SGH6IABjbN
This goes without saying
~~~ Tides are turning ~~~
(0:15)
So that's how hospital cafeterias
Get their fresh rocky mountain oysters
Oops 🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂 pic.twitter.com/1xt6oryHOy
— 🦋🦋CutThroatClassy🦋🦋 (@MakingtheDoh) August 10, 2024
so true!
LMAO
I FBAP pic.twitter.com/mE33XDNEIE
— BIG G (@BIGG69276626) August 4, 2024
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This is where folks come to swap stories, real or flat out lies about those things in life which make us happy.
Some might call it a Liar's Bench, but we should pride ourselves as being above lying and eloquently share our fun, bizarre, wild, wierd tales that defy logic.
Here's a subject list for starters:
Hunting, Fishing, Farting, Telling Crass Jokes, Turning wrenches on your truck or hotrod,
Building anything that you can drive, ride, sit in, shoot, or annoy the jerk next door, like adding so much power that your drivelines exploded.
Yours or a friend's worst drunk, wreck, accident or time you or someone you know made a complete fool of themselves... Sports bloopers you saw or were a part of.
NO Namby Pamby touchie feel crap is allowed!
No talking about computers or cell phones unless there was a pool of blood and you had to Rambo stitch yourself up..
No talking about changing diapers unless you left the diaper on the exhaust manifold of your neighbor's car who's always calling the cops.
Basic Rules for posting.
We're rated R, therefore ...No pornography... Unacceptable Profanity: the C-words.
ALL pic links posted MUST apply to the story at hand or the Pic be worth 1000 words.
[b]Absolutely NO talking about stocks in any part of any post.[/b]
Acceptable Profanity: Ass, Shit, Damn, Friggin, Bitch, Bastard, etc... Some abbreviations: SOB, POS, WTF, RTFLMAO etc... Farscape & Battlestar Galactica profanity allowed.
Use common sense and the same goes for jokes told.
I hate having to remove a great post because it goes too far. It's ok to make a preacher blush, but not faint.
We are not here to compete with the Guy's Room or any other board.
This is like when men are out on a hunting or fishing trip, sitting around a fire and the story swapping gets competitive and you sometimes hear things so outrageous you fall over laughing or you go home and buy that new programmer for your truck so it too will have MORE POWER.
I'm open to suggestions for IBox graphics...PM me the links when you have a good one...We're a work in progress.....Have fun!
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