Parting shotsBy Dan Wetzel, Yahoo! Sports | February 26, 2006
TURIN, Italy – Eighteen days, 28 columns and an incalculable number of interviews, competitions and bad cups of coffee later, I finally get to go home. Nothing against the Olympics, but I have a wife and a daughter (about to turn 1) that are far more appealing right now.
Anyway, after all of that, you would think I, your faithful correspondent, would have nothing left to say. But only if you haven't been paying attention. So here are my final 20 thoughts as my own personal Euro Trip mercifully ends without major international incident.
1. When police officers raided the Austrian biathlon and cross country houses, they found 100 syringes and evidence of blood doping. In a less publicized incident, a police raid of Bode Miller's trailer home turned up three empty bottles of Jack Daniel's and five frozen burrito wrappers.
Bode jokes are so easy. What can you say about this guy, who will go down as one of the greatest over-hyped flops of all time? He made his money and got famous (which he now supposedly regrets), so I guess he'll always have that. But he'll be remembered in "Dan and Dave" infamy when it comes to the Olympics. And no matter how "content" he says he is, at some point, when (if) he matures, he'll regret this entire thing.
He isn't the first guy to waste a lot of God-given talent, sacrifice by others and good fortune, but it is still a sight to behold to watch someone who could have been great show up that out of shape, that disinterested and that determined to party.
Then again, there is that picture floating around the Internet of him at a bar with a Playboy playmate – supposedly it was taken during the games, although who knows. So, he may not have gotten gold, but he may have gotten the blonde. "I got to party at the Olympic level," he told the Associated Press.
So there, I guess.
2. After the big Austrian drug bust in the mountains, the team's coach, Walter Mayer, promptly fled the country. He was MIA until a resident in rural Austria called police saying some strange guy was sleeping in his car on the side of the road. When the cops came, Mayer fled in the vehicle, crashed into a police barrier and was arrested for being drunk. Then he admitted himself into a mental hospital.
He's now a lock for Big 12 coach of the year.
3. There is a Chinese speedskater by the name of Fengtong Yu. Fengtong, I suppose, being a little bit of a long name, perhaps just to pick up chicks or just because it works for T-Mac and A-Rod, Fengtong goes by F Yu.
This means nothing in Chinese. In English, it is the funniest thing ever (to seventh graders and Abbott and Costello fans). Imagine the hijinks of a phone call.
"May I ask who is calling?"
"F Yu."
"I beg your pardon?"
"F Yu"
"Well, if you are going to be rude, F Yu too."
"No, that is my son."
4. What? Come on. That was at least as funny as half the comedies on ABC. At least.
5. Far be it for me to criticize these fine and dedicated athletes and, well, let's get the "not that there is anything wrong with that" out of the way early, but is the doubles luge really necessary? And if so, who, exactly, was the first man to convince another man that they should both don rubber suits and lay on top of each other in that particular position.
Did he have to buy him dinner and a movie first?
6. There are worse ways to spend an afternoon waiting for a colleague to finish writing than drinking tall glasses of Krombacher at the Pingini Bar in San Sicario overlooking the Alps.
7. Best I can tell, Gro Marit Istad-Kristiansen of Norway defeated Bjoergvin Bjoergvinsson of Iceland for the longest dang name at the Olympics. Both of those athletes deserve an extra 500 points if they can spell those suckers correct on the SAT.
Like Joey Cheek, they still wouldn't get into Harvard, but it couldn't hurt.
8. Speaking of Iceland, I was in a bar there once and met my personal favorite Icelander, the immortal Magnus Ver Magnusson of "World Strongest Man" fame.
Magnus was a monster and we talked for a few minutes. He was pretty interesting guy and not just because he used to lift Volkswagens and giant rocks. He offered to buy a round of drinks and asked if I would do a shot with him. Naturally, I thought it would be an honor.
Then he ordered two shots of peach schnapps. Yeah, peach schnapps. Perhaps the single most unlikely drink order I have ever personally experienced. Four-time World's Strongest Man drank peach schnapps.
9. It is always nice when traveling abroad to find out that the country you are in just got its first case of the bird flu. I'm beginning to regret my decision to play with those dead crows behind the media village.
10. TV in my room was all in Italian except for three (kind of four) networks. There was BBC World, which is the most depressing headline news imaginable, nothing but war, strife and bird flu. There was CNBC Europe, which is only a little better.
Then was Canadian Broadcast Company (CBC) which does such a better job covering the Olympics than NBC it is embarrassing. I only wish every American household had the chance to watch CBC, where in a novel concept, it actually shows the games.
I know, I know. What a crazy idea.
Finally there was MTV Italia, which is in Italian except when a good Nelly video comes on and then I just wonder if there is anyone at the United Nations capable of translating that.
11. There was also EuroSport, which was in some European language but did have NBA highlights/news. The best was when the Knicks made a trade to make their starting backcourt consist of fellow underachieving ball hogs Steve Francis and Stephon Marbury. I couldn't understand what the anchor was saying as he made the announcement, but at the end he just started laughing.
Isiah Thomas, an embarrassment of a GM on two continents.
12. The most common complaint I heard about NBC's coverage of the games is that the network held tape-delayed broadcasts (often over-packaged, by the way) of events until the 10-11 p.m. hour when it could have been seen earlier. Why tune out a generation of school kids (let alone tired working adults) who could have seen the big events in the 8 p.m. hour?
Does anyone at the network have any clue how a typical American family operates? Anyone? Or did "American Idol" scare it that much?
NBC operates in a vacuum of pretentiousness that worked for decades because viewers had no alternative. Now they do, with serious counter-programming, the Internet and larger cable systems. So the network took a bath. In Beijing (2008), it will be even worse. Until Dick Ebersol adapts with the times, he doesn't deserve a fraction of the fawning press he gets.
13. Almaty, 2014. When I first heard that Almaty, Kazakhstan, was bidding to host the Winter Olympics in 2014, my first thought was to announce my retirement from sports writing effective 2013. (Hold the applause figure skating fans).
All I knew about Almaty was what this cheesy, low-budget press release (it was a one-page, folded flyer) told me, a chief reason Almaty should be chosen was because "Kazakhstan is the largest landlocked country in the world."
That's not exactly something that gets your heart pumping, you know.
Well, we mock what we don't understand. I went to the press conference. The Almaty people had a better press package – full color, bound, 150-page packet. They had a video. They had music. They had pictures of smiling residents of Almaty. They had a card for me from the mayor of Almaty. They had all sorts of nice Kazakhstanis answering questions.
Little did I know Kazakhstan has lots of money (from oil), a beautiful mountain range (from glaciers) and a lot of spirit (from no longer being communist). It is a "Eurasian Country, a Land of the Future."
The organizers have all sorts of good plans and nice stadiums. All the venues but one are within 15 kilometers of one another. It looks like a beautiful place. They said I could visit.
They also said they have 100 billion barrels of unexplored oil, so that should be enough to bribe IOC officials.
I just can't see any downside here. So I hereby throw the support of Yahoo! Sports behind the bid. I'll be there in 2014. Maybe.
14. Buying gifts for relatives is usually difficult, but not for my father-in-law, Ron Wilson. My flight home has a layover in Frankfurt, Germany, and I just know there is nothing that would brighten that guy's day like a package of Frankfurt frankfurters. You just have to know the man.
15. One of these years, Europeans are going to realize it is OK to drink coffee in servings larger than five ounces. It is pure comedy seeing a couple of tough cops sipping tiny cups.
16. Saturday night I went over to short track speedskating even though I wasn't going to write about it. Short track is an awesome sport to watch live. Especially the relays. There is no way this doesn't work on ESPN. None. Ditto for snowboardcross.
The highlight of the night – besides the fact that I somehow wound up drinking beer with someone from the World Anti-Doping Agency – was finally hearing the "Star-Spangled Banner" (for Apolo Anton Ohno). Almost three weeks here and I hadn't heard it.
17. Lots of people sent emails asking how I enjoyed Italy or whether the people of Turin had done a great job. I hadn't mentioned this stuff much because I really didn't think anyone would care. But, by request:
I think the Turin folks did do a nice job. There are always problems early at these things – the scope of an Olympics is overwhelming – but everything settled down. For the most part, things worked. My media village room was small – I actually think I had more room in the womb – but it was new and clean.
The people of Turin were a lot of fun. They have some passion about life, food and having a good time. I am not sure they were completely swept up in the games (and the restaurants downtown closed too early), but they did seem to enjoy most of it. As one taxi driver told me, this was his best month in business ever. And the guy who owns the restaurant near the media village may buy a castle in Tuscany. So that is good.
Turin is a working town, home to Fiat auto factories, so outside of some beautiful squares downtown (where the "Today Show" originated from) it isn't a picturesque place. But it served me fine.
18. That said, the Italians did have some issues. Nothing says "welcome, tourists" like crime, but it is what it is. There were so many pick pockets, laptop thieves and other sketchy characters around the media center you would have thought the UConn basketball team was in town. The Polizia didn't seem too concerned about any of it.
19. As for the wine? Better than advertised. Some of the pasta too. You couldn't go wrong if you found the time to get out to dinner. I had something called "spaghetti in a paper bag." I also had something called root beet gnocchi. It's all good.
20. The Shroud of Turin, which some believe is the wrap they buried Jesus in, is housed here. It wasn't on display during the games, it only comes out every 25 years and the flood of pilgrims to see it makes the Olympic crush look desolate. So while I couldn't see it in person, I did tour the Shroud of Turin museum, which was very interesting and highly recommended, especially since they allow you to draw your own conclusion.
Since I don't want to set off a religious war (I've learned from the Denmark media), I'll keep that opinion to myself.
For once.
Dan Wetzel is Yahoo! Sports' national columnist. Dan is the author of two new books.
