STOCK MARKET TERMS FOR THE NEW ECONOMY CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER — What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.