Magic

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Church Bloopers
They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers: Thank goodness for
church Ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church services:
1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking
tonight At Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
5. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to
get rid Of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your
husbands.
6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.
7 .Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community.
8. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to
someone who doesn't care much about you.
9. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
10. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way
again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
11. For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors
for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.
13. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon to be 'What
Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
16. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
17. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
18. Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered..
19. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and
heave a healthy lunch.
20. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.
21. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
medication to follow.
22. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
24. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.
25. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
next Sunday.
26. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
PM. Please use the back door.
27. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare' s
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.
28. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.