Ring Ring
Ring Ring
Hijacker Spokesperson: Hello, this is DRC Hijacker's Emporium the main headquarters... please follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. What can I do for you?
Joey: Let me talk to agent Dan.
Hijacker Spokesperson: Hold for a moment please.
Hijacker Spokesperson: Hello.
Joey: Listen I have thought over your 5 point offer and I want to change it slightly.
Hijacker Spokesperson: OK, let's hear it but make it snappy, I am watching the Constitutional Court Election appeal hearings on TV... Shadary is sitting way up in the nose-bleed seats as a silent observer. That's hilarious.
Joey:
1. I accept (ie I relish) having Shadary's huge trombone-shaped twanger sewn on by the plastic surgeons from Israel after the transplant of my penis (to reset the secret bank password) is made to the Dick Gregory comedic impersonator who will pretend to be me and travel to the Cayman Islands, Switzerland, and Trump Bank/Screen Door Company in DC to unlock your secret safety deposit boxes. But I also want a rhinoplasty like Michael Jackson's first nose job, a chin lift to get rid of my double chin and remove the bags under my eyes.
Hijacker Spokesperson: OK, what's next?
Joey:
2. I want 28.5% instead of 26.5% of the money I expropriated and/or accepted as bribes/kickbacks/grease. 70% instead of 72% will be returned to the DRC treasury to build roads, water wells, schools, infrastructure and hospitals for the lazy citizens. 1.5% will go to the hijackers for straightening out this mess is OK but none of that money can go toward setting up more proper secure voting machines for the 2023 election.
3. I want three instead of one of the 5 padlocked strongboxes filled with gold, cash, carved cobalt voodoo dolls and blood diamonds that I was trying to smuggle out of the country on election night.
4. I accept your offer to return my Presidential escape airplane. Thanks.
5. Instead of one free Ebola cooties wash down of the fuselage and all the wings on my plane, I want 12 free Ebola cooties airplane washes at any time I request night or day.
6. I want a case of 144 vials of the Ruffie mixture Marlena used to knock out my 160 pound captain pilot... but I want the concentration boosted up to knock out 230 to 300 pound chicks.
Hijacker Spokesperson: Geez, I will need to run these new changes by the Hijacker's High Council and my people in Israel. I will get back to you.
Joey: I went to the gym and steam sauna with Shadary yesterday... I can't wait for the "big swap". Does he know what's coming?
Hijacker Spokesperson: Shadary has no clue.
Click
