I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me
and then I didn’t show.
I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.
An inventor shows his friend the first knife ever.
His friend says, “Wow! That’s the best thing since bread.”
The inventor says, “Well, I’m about to blow your mind.”
Wife: You're shirtless?
Me: Yes
Wife: And also covered in.. oil?
Me: Well, you know how you always say I never glisten?
Wife: Listen! you never listen.
Me: Ohhh
My wife is like a 57 Buick
Trunk is too big, and too much junk in the trunk.
The headlights are out of focus and points toward the ground.
The grille is missing a few teeth, AND the fenders sag.
I laughed my ass off at this roadside protester.
He camped out all night hoping to prevent the completion of certain roadways. Well, yesterday, the dumbass died of a heart attack. His doctor warned him weeks ago, but the stupid guy didn't want a bypass.
