The Laugh Inn

[Gmenfan]

"The Difference Between Men And Women. "
by Dave Barry

Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then, there is silence in the car.

To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Fred is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Martha is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Fred is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Martha is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Fred is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.

And Martha is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Fred," Martha says aloud.

"What?" says Fred, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...oh dear, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Fred.

"I'm such a fool," Martha sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Fred.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Martha says.

"No!" says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Martha says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Fred.

"That way about time," says Martha.

"Oh," says Fred. "Yes." (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Fred," she says.

"Thank you," says Fred.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?"

And that's the difference between men and women.

[Gmenfan]

A photo caption contest was held for this photograph............ and this is the caption that won.

[Gmenfan]

The Cow, the Ant and the Old Fart

A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is
the greatest of the three of them.

The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"

The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"













Why are you scrolling down?
It's your turn to say something.

[luv2shop]

Seeing the kitties reminded me of your joke lol

[Gmenfan]

Didn't know you were into massages!

[luv2shop]

Special massage

[luv2shop]

Well so much for worrying about content lol. I'll just post stuff of hers that she subscribes to.
Princess

[luv2shop]

Damn! I can't watch videos right now as I'm stuck using my iPad and where I go she can go too. Hopefully new laptop will arrive early next week :(

[fixedops]

Das Negros

[fixedops]

Ice Tea Dog

[luv2shop]

That's awesome!

[Gmenfan]

Today's joke:



A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach at Ft. Myers. She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book. "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.


"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book. "I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" She asked.

Yes, I live over in Cape Coral ", he answered, and again he resumed reading. Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"


With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life. When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?

[Gmenfan]

Paper is dead?

[fixedops]

The Tears, They Burn...

[fixedops]

The Mayor of titty City

[fixedops]

This aint me but, im told i have rants like this now and then. I disagree.

[fixedops]

Is it racist?

[fixedops]

Shatner takes no shit...

[Gmenfan]

Some Friday humor:

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “F**k it, soldier on!”

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100 meter final. I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?" "No," she said, "Eight black men and a gun."

A Catholic boy in confession says, “Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.” “That's a disgrace,” said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.”

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

[fixedops]

Where the hell are the Zombies...

[uzualsuzpect]

Anyone need a geeky beer?

[fixedops]

Cursing in the office...

[fixedops]

Remember this old SNL skit? Massisve Headwound Harry...

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/massive-head-wound-harry/278803/

[fixedops]

Dont judge too quickly...

[fixedops]

Joan Rivers Roast...

[fixedops]

LOL...Absolutely... I watched them for a couple hours that day...There are so many of them...

get lost watching those all day.

Yes, I posted that one to...

See the one with the blond mom?...

http://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=74146429

[backtrax]

Good vids, get lost watching those all day.
See the one with the blond mom?...I could see my boy Aaron doing that with a smug look on his face....but his mom would be laughing the whole time. (He was disappointed his mom gave her Talon to his sister...)

[Gmenfan]

Now that's funny!!

[fixedops]

LMAO...Too funny...It like I always tell my kids. I'll rip your arm off and beat your brothers with it...

[uzualsuzpect]

The best pic of the century! I saw this on FB last week and I haven't stopped laughing about it yet.

[fixedops]

Iphone Belt

[fixedops]

Pittsburgh Dad...

[fixedops]

since I am a mexican I will keep an eye out for that dude.

Thats why I posted it...I got your back brother....lol

[uzualsuzpect]

Omfg that was hilarious as hell! I have never seen that one before.since I am a mexican I will keep an eye out for that dude.

[fixedops]

Phone call to God...

[fixedops]

Go F yourself...

[fixedops]

Here's the kicker...

[fixedops]

UZ, watch out. Word on the street this guy is looking for you...lol

[fixedops]

You cant fix stupid...

[fixedops]

This guy has the best job ever...

[fixedops]

Allah, get my virgins ready.

[fixedops]

Grandma's turn...

[fixedops]

NO robert NOOOOOO

Somebody slap this bitch...He better get a hummer after all that noise...

[fixedops]

Cut them puppies loose...

[luv2shop]

e-trade baby outtakes

[luv2shop]

you're just jealous. maybe it was mooning them...

[fixedops]

Disguising itself as washer fluid.

what do you think it was doing on the windshield?

[luv2shop]

lol! all you need is a pic of you and this is settled once and for all. Glad you're checking in.

[fixedops]

Give me a couple days to submit my entry.

so who wins?

[luv2shop]

what do you think it was doing on the windshield?