Mr. Churak's Neighborhood
It's a beautiful day in the Canuckle Hood,
He'd TOS your arse if he could.
Would you not mind?
Are ya out of your mind?...
It would be neighborly today to send some pics,
Of your hooters size 46.
Would you not mind?
Are ya out of your mind?...
I've always wanted to meet a brainiac just like you.
Now I have, I don't like you, so F.U.
So, let's naked short stocks on this beautiful day.
Or on your face will sit Wendy, wouldn't you say?
Would you not mind?
Are ya out of your mind?
Won't you be my showermate?
The soap is there between your feet,
Retrieve it now, my phresh phish sweet.
Thanks. Please won't you logout now?
Note from 1st ASSt: Mr. Koikaze was asked to add his own doggeral for Mr. Churak's Neighborhood. After all, what kind of a neighborhood would Mr Churak have without lots of doggeral. With his permission, here are his private comments on the subject:
Boy, you talk about getting put on the spot!!!
In the first place, I don't know the theme to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood (yes, I've heard of Mr. Rogers. Matter-of-fact, it seems to me I heard he no longer graces our ranks.)
In the second place, if I DID know the theme to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood and couldn't do a better job than that, I'd hide my light under a bushel ... and sit on it.
In the third place, if I were to assay such an essay, I'd have to dedicate it to AnnnnChurAAAKKKKK, a lilting expression, if ever I've heard one.
In the fourth place, an ode to Chu which omits recognition of GRRRRRANNNNNNIE, is flawed in concept.
In the fifth, final, teminal (terminal ... did I say TERMINAL) spot, my strain-ed humor has lost a lot, for which I care not e'en one jot, for when it returns, it'll be REALLY hot!!!
And on that useless note, I'll leave.
Following added 6/24/04
Oh, dear, I have a task to do
Shoved down my throat by Susie-Q
Of course, I just say that in jest
'Cause Susie makes me try my best
The task, in case you haven't heard,
Is to try and find a compelling word
To lure Good Churak to our fold
Ignoring grudges he may hold
We know about the gross affront
His gentle nature bore the brunt
On that, there's little we can say
Besides, it's history, anyway
Churak is such an kindly soul
Who always plays the friendly role
Helping those cast in our jail
Indeed, he often makes their bail
If you believe what I just said
Get someone to inspect your head
And if you think that he feels pain
All I can say is, "Think again!"
It's not that he is silver-tongued
Indeed, his mouth should oft be bunged
But, even so, we get a kick
When he pens his humor sharp and quick
He's gone off now to his land of dreams
Where he can say just what he means
Offending all as best he can
With ne'er a threat from mortal man
Should we, then, his movement bless
Over in that soiled mess
"No! No!", say I, "that has a price"
If he be barred from paradise."
But, "barred" is only in his mood
A state which should be gone for good
For even Matt hopes he'll return
Across the bridge Ol' Matt did burn
Now, having really done my best
To lure you from your current nest
All I can do is shout real clear ...
... GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER HERE!!!!
Testimonial from Joemoney: #msg-718844
Some gifs Mr. Churak has used:
It's good to be the King!!!
"Say, as long as you are down there..." -- King Churak
Hey Jim...I dropped the soap. Mind getting it 4 me?
When you start with personal attacks, methinks you should learn to bend over for the soap...
So much soap; so little time...
I ain't gonna help no convicted felon however now that he is 17, he is legal JAIL bait & a candidate for the Soap-on-a-rope...
You like what you see so far? I got soap...
I prefer Dial soap cause it makes it so much easier to do what it spells backwards...
Who gives a rat's ass about that stock? You are as bad as ANNIE the SPAMMIE. Find out what you did wrong to get sent here & try to make a deal. Either that or...hey...wait a minute, I dropped the soap, would you mind getting it for me?
Got kneepads? Need soap?
That's a very good question & I am sure AK will be along shortly to pepper you with his standard suggestions. In the meantime, I think you just dropped the soap.
We trade for cigarettes. BTW, you just dropped the soap.
Nothing like getting in a good SPAM on a POS stock instead of concentrating in getting out of here. BTW, you dropped the soap. Where is the groveling & begging of forgiveness? You aren't going to do very well in here.
You should read the wrapper of the soap & call your vet.
...I need material to work with.Plz send some vic..er inmates my way. Besides, I was told that these boards are serious & that if the topics are not stock related, they are not welcome. I have come to the sad conclusion that MATT has no sense of humour. I think it has something to do with a sugar fixation that causes swelling in the humour cerebellum leading to bitchiness. In women it is known as PMS...here it is known as MATTICIDE
...82.8% of all statistics are made up on the spot
...maybe MATT has a recurring nightmare about his "power going out"...hmmm, Sigmund might have a couple of things to say about that...
...here is another interesting fact I have discovered: The number of posts on a message board in inversely proprotional to the price of a stock.
...actually I only make about 6 - 8 posts/day plus it would really frost my arse when I get booted permanently (and that WILL happen) after having paid the $80. Plus I am in Canada so the $80 USD is, like, about $8,000. to us after the conversion to CAD. Personally, I think that iHub should give a discount or not even charge for users of their service in a foreign country; perhaps Matt & Bob would consider that an act of charity to us unfortunate souls in a Thirld World Country. Or they could actually pay us to join to subsidize the high cost of our internet connections, etc. What you think?
Matt...I suggest that you look at the facts of my incarceration. It is not always wise to turn the other cheek.
[Re TOSing posts]...when you do it for no reason it takes up MATT's valuable time from eating KKDs & drinking coke. He doesn't like that.
[Re "Even your alias is profanity."] No it's not; it's just an organ like an arm or hand. However, in your case, my handle suits you to a T.
...Try bribing MATT...I hear that a dozen KKDs works wonders.
[Re Matt's magazine recommendation] Thanks Matt but I'm too old for that stuff & if the chicks are hot enuf I could have a coronary. You wouldn't want to be responsible for that, now would you?
...I think MATT dreams about me & envisions me as a strapping (6'6", 140 lbs), cowboy hat, boots, madras shorts, elvis sideburns, Mr T chains, shades, Rolex, drives a Gremlin, Hai Karate after shave, who talks with a lisp. Damn...he's good.
[Re Las Vegas and March 20] Oh yes Colleen...definitely...a wise idea... an instructional class for the wives at the Vegas get together on the importance of March 20th festivities would definitely be in order. May I suggest videos instead of slides to go along with the live presentation. And since MATT is so interested in the height of his uh, members, perhaps you could get him to volunteer to be the model for the class. Then we can have a WAG board as to whether to would be up for the task.
[Re Joemoney & Matt] Actually, JOEMONKEY's breakdown happened many years ago; he's still working thru some of the delusional aspects of it tho. Yes, he & MATT have a special relationship all right; that happened after Matt asked Joe what size shoes he wears & how big his hands were. Go figure.