Men's Campfire

[pos_stock_hoarder]

You see it cummi...coming...but it's still funny!

[getmoreshares]

Dammit! 🤭🤣😂 pic.twitter.com/1csT8cv14U

— Sassy Stephanie 💋 (@TheStephanieOne) April 24, 2024

[Paulie Cashews]

Yes, I especially miss your culinary stories about how you butchered a cow, and marinated the meat for a week in a stew of BBQ sauce, vinegar, moonshine, fava beans and goat jizz.

And, after simmering for 8 hours in a pressure cooker, it was then roasted over a mesquite fire, while being seasoned with a 3lb. stick of butter coated with Crisco, then deep-fried, and dipped in a mixture of olive oil and Ranch dressing.

I'm making myself hungry.



Paulie's Pixel Palace

[Trinityz1]

that one's pretty good
a lot of work for someone you don't like........

[Paulie Cashews]

You're writing a column for the Farmer's Almanac?



Paulie's Pixel Palace

[Trinityz1]

some people just need to put on their big boy pants
to appreciate my style......and is why it is appreciated elsewhere



and my now syndicated column is bringing in the $$$

[Paulie Cashews]

🐔🐮 Seems like Global Warming has been good to you. This year there was no snow blocking the road, cracked axles, lost cows, thistle fights, night time stalkers, wandering cattle, and barbed wire horror stories.

Every day you'd post about your Nazi neighbors and broken equipment.

Glad to see things have gotten easier.

BTW, I found this pic of Clint Eastwood at 93:



Paulie's Pixel Palace

[pos_stock_hoarder]

LMAO!

[getmoreshares]

LOL

There’s no way this is a real commercial 😭 pic.twitter.com/4wf97wwa4z

— Unbased🧛🏿 (@unbasedsavage) April 21, 2024

[SkeBallLarry]

UnMute 1st >

When this woman says “Thanks for nothing. Fuck you” to Joe Biden, is she speaking on behalf of the vast majority of the American people? pic.twitter.com/Z17uKXp8fU

— • ᗰISᑕᕼIᗴᖴ ™ • (@4Mischief) April 19, 2024

[getmoreshares]

🙉🙈🙊😂 pic.twitter.com/RgeEBDpbI0

— 🍀Louie Kerr 🇮🇪💚 (@LouieKerr8) April 18, 2024

[getmoreshares]

My husband wanted a garden hoe so I got him this… pic.twitter.com/wFO1FpsIBV

— Mrs. S. (@hshLauraJ) April 18, 2024

[getmoreshares]

sick joke ----- George found Tim, lying beside the road after a car accident. Tim was crying hysterically.

"Tim! Are you all right?" Sobbing, Tim moaned,

"Look at my new car!" pointing to it, it’s ruined.

"Hey, man. Don't cry. You can always get another car."

"But look inside the car."
George did and said,
"Aw, dude, that's terrible. But don't cry!

You can always get another girlfriend."

Tim wailed,
"Look inside her mouth..

[getmoreshares]

pic.twitter.com/iJcwybw8nq

— 1776 2.0? (@ChrisSi39851937) April 16, 2024

[Trinityz1]

ALWAYS double check the main gate to the chickens....
especially when you have about 300 of 'em

My heeler/border collie Jesse and I just put a BUNCH back in....
just when I thought it was safe to go back to getting eggs
she even found one we missed....she didn't bite a one tho she was tempted,
but she did help herd most of 'em back in the gate and helped corner
some I had to grab and toss back in....
makes the 2nd time in 12+ years I didn't shut the gate properly
we got a bad wind out there, but it didn't do it

Like Sylvestor STallone in the Rocky movie chasing a chicken
I was today.....but glad I had Jesse there to help.....

the other dogs wanted to help.....but....that wouldn't have worked as well

I had to open the gate wide so most would go in when pushed
Jesse kept an eye on it while I grabbed a few cornered ones
and if any thought to break for freedom, she pushed 'em back in

You bet she got a thank you treat when we were done......
and now I'm pooped........©

[Trinityz1]

all included you for a fact my friend

[SkeBallLarry]

" Please include me, Trin ~ soo sad to hear of your loss " ...

[Gmenfan]

My wife and I feel the same.

[Trinityz1]

everyone with a heart that's mentioned it felt the pain....
TY to all with a heart

[Trinityz1]

Thank you....and some wonder why I like dogs way more than MOST people

[Flobewan]

I'm crying my eyes out, so sorry to hear. That's heartbreaking.

[pos_stock_hoarder]

I'm really saddened to hear what you (and he) just went through. Heartbreaking story.

[Gmenfan]

Sad, sad story Trinz. Sorry for you losing such a good friend.

[Trinityz1]

Today was the day, finally got a rear tire on the backhoe replaced
so me and my old backhoe dog could work together this a.m.
feeding the cows one last time

picked him up and put him in and away we went and got it done.
a year ago he had a tumor show up and we had it removed..
It was just a few weeks ago
he had some tumors spring up on him all at once and they were doing him in
wanted to be able to bury him where the coyotes wouldn't get at him
literally one night he didn't have them and the next day he did.....

He's been my best cowdog.....many times if he was laying down on his side
when he saw me....he would thump his tail (nope, didn't dock him, have stopped with that)

well then we picked a big rock for a sorta headstone then picked a spot and dug
it open....with the rock above it, then came back for a break.....then we went back out.
I sat on the rock and he sat there with me and we showed each other some love

told him it was time..........
finally he turned his head so it could be done. It was instant. No quivers.....
except one thing......his eyes were closed.....and then his tailed thumped again
not once but about 3 or 4 times as if maybe to say see you again or thanks for ending the pain
that one last time and my knees kinda buckled and I choked up.
wrapped him in a piece of white sheet and then gently laid him to rest.

Don't ever think it's easy doing this either. It isn't. It rips your guts out.

He was my backhoe buddy when we fed the cows with it or I was doing work with it
He was so tough, that when I had to stitch him up twice, he let me do it....
I had some lidocaine, and he held still for it.....and laid still when I stitched...

Yesterday a yr old bucket fed calf now a steer, tried to come up in the gate and
had to turn him down the driveway and out
well I turned the 2 girls on him, but my friend slipped out as well.....
even in the poor shape he was in wasting away.....
he showed those girls how it was done....with me worrying he'd get kicked
the steer back in the pasture, and he turned with a dog grin and told him great job!
he got it done.....he came back slow from it.....not kicked, just plumb wore out....

even in the backhoe this a.m. where we had a rhythm when I had to spin the seat around
he was on cue....a little slow and we just took our time......

SO the next time you hear about how these wolves they've set loose here in CO
killed someone's best cow dog and its mate......
and they can't even shoot the damn things
Please realize there is NO replacement for a friend like this that works with you
that damn city people think is just a dog. They are a friend that will lay down their life
for you......and imo, there is nothing greater.

©

[Gmenfan]

Many his casket will fit him like a glove!!!😅

[Gmenfan]

LMAO

[SkeBallLarry]

O.J. Simpson Dies at 76 >>

Former NFL running back O.J. Simpson died on Wednesday after a long battle with cancer. He was 76. This is a breaking story. More to come…

[pos_stock_hoarder]

Rescue dogs can be really wonderful!

[getmoreshares]

saving electricity LOL

[pos_stock_hoarder]

Too hard up for a vibrator?

[getmoreshares]

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 pic.twitter.com/asPNKV2ge3

— Mrs. S. (@hshLauraJ) April 9, 2024

[SkeBallLarry]

" The *Eclipse* ~ Time and Where >>

https://science.nasa.gov/eclipses/future-eclipses/eclipse-2024/where-when/

[Trinityz1]

Good Humor


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

[getmoreshares]

good ones!

[Trinityz1]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, ‘Jesus is watching you.’

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.

‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’

The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’

‘I'm Moses.’ replied the bird.

‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’

‘The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.’

[Trinityz1]

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? (sic: YES!)

7. Map Quest or Google Maps really need to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (Ladies .. Quit Laughing! )

It just gets better as you get older, doesn't it?

24. I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my IPod (with ear piece) - and how was your day?

[getmoreshares]

Hunting dog for sale 🤣🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/fqKKa6NioD

— Mufasa007 (@Mufasa0062) March 8, 2024

[getmoreshares]

Do you use Sweet Fish? pic.twitter.com/WzXwCYiJum

— RyanFJBLGB🇺🇸🦅 (@RyanPatrick1991) March 8, 2024

[Trinityz1]

Husband takes his wife to a disco, there is a man on the dance floor, moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works.
Wife turns to her husband & sighs "You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him & I said no!"
Husband says "It looks like he’s still out celebrating!" 😂

[Trinityz1]

The woman asked the male pharmacist,

"Do you have Viagra?"

"Yes," He answered.

She asked, "Does it work?"

"Yes," He answered.

She said, "Can you get it over the counter?"

"I can, if I take two," He replied.

[Trinityz1]

One of the Nastiest Jokes I know

True story btw.....and includes the nasty joke....

so it was back around 1990....was at my whse working on a truck.
It was a straight with a 28 foot box but needed the wood floor........
I bought it used and it had steel deck plate on top of the wood floor.

BIG sheets of it tack welded together.....they were 4' wide and around 8
feet long....so I'd cut 'em loose and was unloading them with a helper
helping pull them out and these suckers were HEAVY....

we were at the open outside door of the whse and with some momentum
they would slam down onto the floor once he helped get them started....
I pushed with all my might and out they'd go. I mean to tell you...it took
everything I had to push those suckers out and had to catch my breath
after each one with my helper jumping out of the way once I hit 1/2 way
and had gravity to help.

My helper was the son of a great neighbor and friend......so was down to
2 or 3 left, was bent over catching my breath and my wife came out of
the office......and proceeded to just chew my ass up one side and down the other
I'm talking a serious loud ass chewing.....I had no clue what she was yelling about.

I was speechless and her tirade ended.....she stormed back into the office....
I asked the kid, what the hell was that about? Do you know? He shook his head NO.

then leaning against the outside of the whse on the sidewalk he slow drawled this...

Women! If they didn't have a gash between their legs, they'd have a bounty on their heads. (kinda with a John Wayne drawl)

I collapsed out of the truck onto the side walk somehow not breaking any bones
and there against the whse we sat laughing with tears rolling down for a good 10
minutes... and just starting to regain composure....there was work to be done...
but we're still sitting side by side by side and she comes out and TEARS into me
AGAIN!!! The more she went the more we laughed, practically rolling on the sidewalk
We're looking right at each other and just couldn't stop laughing.....

and I finally gasped.....make her stop, I can't take it! My sides hurt! I can't breathe.
Make her stop! Make her stop! and she finally did and stormed away pissed off.
To this day I have NO clue what the hell it was about....BUT when a guy got a
solid ass chewing in front of others...I would drawl that out.

It's the only time that joke is so damn funny when you catch a guy just right.
So when that happens, let it rip.......
©

[SkeBallLarry]

" Always liked that one " .. !!

[Trinityz1]

a city dweller went for a drive out into the country and eventually he came upon a roadside fruit stand and decided to pull over. After looking at all the various fruits, his attention was drawn to a bushel of apples labeled "PB&J Apples $2 each". Interested, the man bought an apple and took a bite. He then approached the vendor and complained it only tasted like peanut butter. The vendor then told him to turn it over and take a bite, which he did and to his delight it tasted like the finest of jellies. He bought the whole bushel and put them in his car and continued down the road.

A bit later, he saw a sign for "Steak and Potatoes Apples $5 each" and immediately pulled over to sample the harvest. Upon the first bite, he experienced the smoothest and finest tasting roasted potato with hints of butter and chive but this too left him feeling snookered. He approached the salesman and demanded a refund as it was to taste like "Steak and Potatoes". The seller then advised him to turn it over and take another bite. To the surprise of the buyer, it tasted better than any steak he had ever had. He bought several bushels and put them in the car and continued down the road.

To his amazement, the next apple grower was selling his harvest of "Pussy Apples $25 each". The man slams on his brakes, buys the grower's complete inventory. At his car he decides to bite into on of the apples and discovers it tastes like shit.

[Trinityz1]

The Squirrel

I never dreamed slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous!

Little did I suspect.

I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me.

It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close.

I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact.

Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet.

He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes. His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Banzai!" or maybe, "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular...

He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack.

Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel. And losing...

I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw.

That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home.

No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel.

This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all.

His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result.

TORQUE. This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it. The engine roared and the front wheel left the pavement.

The squirrel screamed in anger.

The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy.

I screamed in .. well . I just plain screamed.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike.

This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle.. my brain was just simply overloaded.

I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.

About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me.

As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity.

It had little effect on the squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment), so her front end started to drop.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now, the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.

Finally I got the upper hand ... I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked ... sort-of. Spectacularly sort-of ...so to speak.

Picture a new scene.

You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork.

Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.

I heard screams.

They weren't mine...

I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street.

I would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back).

I really would have.

Really...

Except for two things.

First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car. So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway.

That was one thing.

The other?

Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me.

That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car .. but it was all his.

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighbourhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves...and a whole lot of Band-Aids.

[Trinityz1]

A man who owns a horse farm gets a call from a friend.

"I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse and I'm sending him over".

The midget arrives and the owner asks him if he wants a male or female horse. "A female horth," the midget replies.

So, the owner shows him one. "Nith looking horth, can I see her mouf?"

The owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's teeth. "Nith mouf, can I see her eyesth?"

So, the owner picks up the midget and shows him her eyes. "OK, what about the earsth?"

Now the owners is beginning to get a little pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him her ears.

"OK, finally, I would like to see her twat."

With that, the owner loses all patience, picks up the midget, shoves his head up the horse's twat, and then pulls him out.

Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should wephrase that. I would like to thee the horth run."

[Trinityz1]

I am NOT pickin' up what you're steppin' in......hehe

[pos_stock_hoarder]

Perhaps this one?

How can a hillbilly tell when his mother’s got her period?

Answer: his brother’s dick tastes funny!!!

[pos_stock_hoarder]

Then it’s settled. You’re to be married next month.

But Pa, I don’t want to marry my sister!

Who do you think you are young man?! It was good enough for me and your ma and it’ll be good enough for you!

[Trinityz1]

Bill and Fred are out fishing early

Bill: Didn't you just get married yesterday? Why in the heck are you here
fishing with me? Shouldn't you be getting laid on your honeymoon?

Fred: Nah, she has the Clap and well- you know how I like to fish.....

Bill: Well couldn't you just flip her over and get some?

Fred: Nah, she's got the gonorrhea and well- you know how I like to fish.....

Bill: Well couldn't you at least get a Blow Job?

Fred: Nah, she's got the pyorrhea and well- you know how I like to fish.....

Bill: well couldn't you at least get a hand job?

Fred: Nah, she's got the Scabies on her hands and well- you know how I like to fish.....

Bill: Well why in the hell did you marry her if you can't have sex with her?!?!?!?!?

Fred: Well she's got worms, and well- you know how I like to fish.....

[Trinityz1]

I found a used football in a second hand store..
I picked it up and took it to the counter.
"How much is this?" I asked
"That'll be $5" said the owner. "Would you like me to pump it up for you?"
"Of course, thanks a lot!" I replied.
So, he got a small pump from under the counter and in a few seconds the ball was as good as new.
"Ok, all done" he said. "That'll be $10 please".
"$10!!!??!!" I replied. "But you said $5 just now".
He looked up and said "Sorry. Inflation".