Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Note to self:
If using the sheet from my bed to be a ghost next Halloween, avoid parties with black lights at all costs.

I feel like I'm finally ready to be a dad.
Can’t wait to tell my kids.

Threw my back out today… reaching for the shampoo in the shower.
But I'll be telling everyone it's from having sex while skydiving.

My wife won't talk to me cause she came out of the beauty salon yesterday
and asked: "How do I look?" I said: "Well, at least you tried."