Not trying to sound like a conspiracy theorist..
but isn't it a little suspicious these hurricanes keep happening in alphabetical order??
Okay autocorrect, I get it.
Every time I start to type "unattached", you suggest "unattractive". Message received.
Me: “We should set up a play date.”
Hot mom at the park: “You have a kid?”
Me: “No, I said WE should.”
Henry VIII..
found four more women to marry him after he cut each wife's head off and I can't get a text back.
I am open to suggestions, comments, or…
glowing praise followed by many exclamation points.
TO:THE ADMIN
CAN YOU PLEASE TRY TO HAVE A LITTLE MORE CONTROL OVER WHO YOU LET IN. THERE IS A NEW MEMBER. AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE HAS BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEN. SHE SENDS NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN GROTESQUE POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER LADY GARDEN. SHE IS OFFERING A SAMSUNG GALAXY S8 IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS. I AM ESPECIALLY UPSET BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT, THE PHONE WASN'T EVEN A GALAXY S8... IT WAS A GALAXY S5 AND IT OBVIOUSLY HAS A VIRUS BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SLOW. IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH... THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON STICKS
My wife told me that she wanted to fuck me for a change.
I was really excited until I got the letter from her divorce attorney.
I used to go out with a girl who was a monorail enthusiast.
I had to leave her because she had a one-track mind.
In our relationship, I bring home the bacon.
I make the wife bring in the rest of the groceries.
The difference between a wise man
and a smart man is, a smart man will learn from his mistakes. A wise man will learn from other peoples mistakes.
I don't understand how stores make money.
Everytime I go back, all the stuff is still there.
My friend just had a rhinoplasty.
They did a nice job, but she definitely overpaid for the horn.
I asked my friend
...if he's still having that issue with his penis.
He said, eh, it comes and it goes.
